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Jul. 6th, 2005 09:44 pm Alec's mental defenses were shit. He would be the first one to admit it. After all the times his mind had been sliced, diced, and shredded, it was a wonder that he could think coherently on most days. Even his empathy wasn't the best. He could recive emotions as easily as any high powered radio, but couldn't send worth crap. Thing was, there was a reason why his defenses were so poor. He spend most of his mental energy on something else.
There was, inside of him, a personality, would be the best way to put, that held all the evil thoughts and things that he did but wouldn't take responsiblity for. Things that he didn't think he could have done. Evil things, wrong things, destructive things. All of them got blamed on this other personality -identity- that he created to take the blame. He wanted to be guiltless, innocent of wrong.
But as things were, the identity soon took a life and a personality of its own, fed from Alec's fears of delighting in violence and wrongness. Eventually it grew strong enough to actually take over the body for periods of time, locking Alec away. There were fights between the two of them, but they were equally matched. So a tenative truce was created between the two.
Time passed and Alec grew. He learned to understand the violent urges and didn't repress them or deny that he did them. He learned instead to temper them and use them. This took power away from the other identity. Alec was soon able to represse the other completely, locking it away deep in his mind. He wasn't able to get rid of it completely because it had just enough of his early fears and powers to stay alive.
So it stayed down there, rattling away, hissing in hatred at the circumstances that led it here. It wanted out. It sensed kindred spirits out there, but was unable to talk to them, unable to reach them. He waited, gathering what little powers it could, hoping for a slip up. Waiting for a chance.
After all, Alec was growing soft and complacent. He was happy, with family and lovers. His attentions were drifting else where. Recent tramuas hadn't helped his defense either. It poked around, not really caring enough to plot or plan. It just wanted out.
And a name. A different name that the one Alec had given it. It wanted its own identity free of Alec. It was bad enough that they shared looks.
There was, inside of him, a personality, would be the best way to put, that held all the evil thoughts and things that he did but wouldn't take responsiblity for. Things that he didn't think he could have done. Evil things, wrong things, destructive things. All of them got blamed on this other personality -identity- that he created to take the blame. He wanted to be guiltless, innocent of wrong.
But as things were, the identity soon took a life and a personality of its own, fed from Alec's fears of delighting in violence and wrongness. Eventually it grew strong enough to actually take over the body for periods of time, locking Alec away. There were fights between the two of them, but they were equally matched. So a tenative truce was created between the two.
Time passed and Alec grew. He learned to understand the violent urges and didn't repress them or deny that he did them. He learned instead to temper them and use them. This took power away from the other identity. Alec was soon able to represse the other completely, locking it away deep in his mind. He wasn't able to get rid of it completely because it had just enough of his early fears and powers to stay alive.
So it stayed down there, rattling away, hissing in hatred at the circumstances that led it here. It wanted out. It sensed kindred spirits out there, but was unable to talk to them, unable to reach them. He waited, gathering what little powers it could, hoping for a slip up. Waiting for a chance.
After all, Alec was growing soft and complacent. He was happy, with family and lovers. His attentions were drifting else where. Recent tramuas hadn't helped his defense either. It poked around, not really caring enough to plot or plan. It just wanted out.
And a name. A different name that the one Alec had given it. It wanted its own identity free of Alec. It was bad enough that they shared looks.