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Oct. 9th, 2006 06:19 pmAlec felt sick.
Sick to his stomach and sick to the ohgods I'm covered in slime and I'll never get it off. He had already thrown up everything, and tried to do it again, twice. He still felt like throwing up.
He sat in the shower, warm water pouring over his head, forehead resting on his knees. He had tried scrubbing himself - but it still didn't get rid of the feeling. So now he just sat.
He could remember exactly what it felt like; being the Gary Stu again. It wasn't the power that got to him. It was how he felt. Like a god. An uncaring, frivolous, sparkly god, completely selfish without care for the multiverse - caring only for what he wanted. Everything that he tried not to be he had been.
His arm had been healed -but that had only lasted until he was knocked unconcious - but it had been healed because Gary Stus didn't get injured. At least not like that. No crippling injuries for them. It had just been healed, like it never had been injured. He remembered thinking, Why should I have to suffer so? It's stupid. I can do anything. and then the arm was healed. He wanted it healed, and it was healed.
Power without limits and with complete control. A god. He had been a god. Horrible. Disgusting. Wrong.
Just wrong. In so many different ways. He was no god. Gods controled life or death.
He heaved again, but nothing came out.
He had almost brought back his family to life. That would have been disasterous. Vile and horrible. He had no right to choose who lived or who died or who came back to life. That was a line he had never ever crossed. No matter how badly it hurt. No matter how much he wanted to. He wouldn't couldn't.
So glad he was able to stop himself. Distract himself. Strangle that resolve into nothing. If had crossed that line - well he didn't know what he'd do.
He shuddered as the thoughts came to him and flailed around for the soap and rag. Once again he tried to scrub himself clean.
Sick to his stomach and sick to the ohgods I'm covered in slime and I'll never get it off. He had already thrown up everything, and tried to do it again, twice. He still felt like throwing up.
He sat in the shower, warm water pouring over his head, forehead resting on his knees. He had tried scrubbing himself - but it still didn't get rid of the feeling. So now he just sat.
He could remember exactly what it felt like; being the Gary Stu again. It wasn't the power that got to him. It was how he felt. Like a god. An uncaring, frivolous, sparkly god, completely selfish without care for the multiverse - caring only for what he wanted. Everything that he tried not to be he had been.
His arm had been healed -but that had only lasted until he was knocked unconcious - but it had been healed because Gary Stus didn't get injured. At least not like that. No crippling injuries for them. It had just been healed, like it never had been injured. He remembered thinking, Why should I have to suffer so? It's stupid. I can do anything. and then the arm was healed. He wanted it healed, and it was healed.
Power without limits and with complete control. A god. He had been a god. Horrible. Disgusting. Wrong.
Just wrong. In so many different ways. He was no god. Gods controled life or death.
He heaved again, but nothing came out.
He had almost brought back his family to life. That would have been disasterous. Vile and horrible. He had no right to choose who lived or who died or who came back to life. That was a line he had never ever crossed. No matter how badly it hurt. No matter how much he wanted to. He wouldn't couldn't.
So glad he was able to stop himself. Distract himself. Strangle that resolve into nothing. If had crossed that line - well he didn't know what he'd do.
He shuddered as the thoughts came to him and flailed around for the soap and rag. Once again he tried to scrub himself clean.
Alec rebuilt the Inn.
It was ridiculously easy. He just went to the Inn Space and gestured. And there it was. Better than before too. He really didn't need to gesture. But it was more dramatic if he did. Even if no one was there to see him. There really should be someone around to see him. To watch him do his thing. He supposed someone was there... somewhere. But he did it anyway. It was easy, for a Gary Stu.
His arm was healed. Because Gary Stus didn't have injuries like that. He was also taller, and handsome -instead of pretty- because Gary Stus weren't pretty. That was Mary Sues. He thought about finding a Mary Sue. But decided against it. She would only steal his lime light. He was stronger, lean with muscle and a six pack of abs. His hair was fantastic instead of that messy dull black. Instead of the mud brown eyes, they were now deeply dark brown that seemed to gleam with the power and secrets of the multiverse, causing anyone who looked into them too long to get endless lost and feel hopelessly small and weak.
He cast his mind about on what to do next. He could do anything. He was a Gary Stu.
He found Jono. It was easy. He knew exactly where to look. He held the little globe of Jono had been and put it on the mantle piece. It looked nice there, he decided.
Alec wanted to do more though. He had all this power. He could do anything. Perhaps he could cure Leela's blindness. That was a thought. Or save Mel from Orochi and banish all the bad memories. Easy. But those were such small things. He needed something bigger to do.
He studied the little globe of Jono thoughtfully and came up with a brilliant idea.
He would bring his family back to life. Easy. He could do that. What was life and death to a Gary Stu such as him?
He started to walk out of the Inn to where they were buried, but something stopped him. Something inside of him screamed in sheer and utter dispairing panic.
He ended up on the floor curled up, muttering to himself. "Stop me... gods oh gods... somebody please stop me!"
It was ridiculously easy. He just went to the Inn Space and gestured. And there it was. Better than before too. He really didn't need to gesture. But it was more dramatic if he did. Even if no one was there to see him. There really should be someone around to see him. To watch him do his thing. He supposed someone was there... somewhere. But he did it anyway. It was easy, for a Gary Stu.
His arm was healed. Because Gary Stus didn't have injuries like that. He was also taller, and handsome -instead of pretty- because Gary Stus weren't pretty. That was Mary Sues. He thought about finding a Mary Sue. But decided against it. She would only steal his lime light. He was stronger, lean with muscle and a six pack of abs. His hair was fantastic instead of that messy dull black. Instead of the mud brown eyes, they were now deeply dark brown that seemed to gleam with the power and secrets of the multiverse, causing anyone who looked into them too long to get endless lost and feel hopelessly small and weak.
He cast his mind about on what to do next. He could do anything. He was a Gary Stu.
He found Jono. It was easy. He knew exactly where to look. He held the little globe of Jono had been and put it on the mantle piece. It looked nice there, he decided.
Alec wanted to do more though. He had all this power. He could do anything. Perhaps he could cure Leela's blindness. That was a thought. Or save Mel from Orochi and banish all the bad memories. Easy. But those were such small things. He needed something bigger to do.
He studied the little globe of Jono thoughtfully and came up with a brilliant idea.
He would bring his family back to life. Easy. He could do that. What was life and death to a Gary Stu such as him?
He started to walk out of the Inn to where they were buried, but something stopped him. Something inside of him screamed in sheer and utter dispairing panic.
He ended up on the floor curled up, muttering to himself. "Stop me... gods oh gods... somebody please stop me!"
