element_wizard | Dreaming of To come and Gone

The surussing of the waves always drifted Alec to sleep quickly. That, plus Phoenix made it even easier to sleep. While getting to sleep was easy, in the floppy comfiness of the bed, dreams were another matter. His mind let loose to drift among thoughts and realities of his different selves meandered through memories as well.

Babylon Five as an ambassador, or a telepath, or a visitor, or a fey bent on conquering the known galaxy, showing up the Volrons and the Shadows. He liked doing that. "Not the only one..." He mumbled as the dreams, that self drifted away.

"But of course not, that's why ..." his voice took on a Cajun accent as he found himself an alternate who was Gambit's son. That soothed out, his accent returning to the normal kind of almost alien Gaelic lilt.

Into his past, or perhaps his future, he dreamed "Mm... Kratz? Lorac? You're...but... but...I don't understand!" This one lingered, capturing him, keeping him like rat in a cage. "No... I can't hurt... please don't hurt her! Him... I lov... no..." He gook a deep sobbing breath. "No.. Lorac... please."

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"I know I'm free to love who I will... but I don't know if I will to love him." That may or may not make sense. "And it scares me how intense it is when he's around. Like I want to touch him, be near him, never be away from him. It aches when he's gone..."

He bites his lip. "It doesn't hurt now, I haven't seen him in a long while. But I would do anything for him and I don't know if it's because I want to or because he wants me to want to."

It's that lack of knowing, the lack of control that scares Alec the most. How is he supposed to know who he is, if he doesn't know if what he feels is real or not?

It does make sense. In Phoenix's culture, Lorac would be the pack Alpha from hell... by the sound of it. It sounds a little, but not exactly like the Immortal Seal. A now-illegal bond that Drakus and Corvo still have, that can't be broken. He understands well the not-knowing must be the very worst part of it. All he can do is hold Alec.. and maybe worry.

"Does it hurt now? When you've been away for a long while?" Phoenix sighs, and lays back on the pillows. "I'm sorry, the last thing you need is a barrage of questions. I just want to understand."

The pack Alpha from hell probably describes it exactly. Their bond got stretched and it snapped Lorac's mind, who knows what breaking it would do.

"I don't mind questions." Holding is very good as Alec snuggles into him tightly. "It's... like a really tiny dull ache that I can ignore. It's been so long since I've seen him."

Phoenix tangles his legs into Alec's as he cuddles in closer. Envy or jealousy aren't a part of his psychological make-up. If Alec were talking about a lover he missed, and still loved.. it wouldn't matter, Phoenix would even be willing to help them speak.

It's purely the fact that it might be a false emotion, and that Alec can't tell, and that Lorac sounds dangerous and quite capable of harming Alec.

"I'm glad I know I love you." He whispers. "I'm glad it's real."

If only Lorac was that simple. It would make everything so much easier. Alec does miss Lorac, but he doesn't know why he does.

"Damn straight it better be real." It's growled softly, with a bit of clinging.

"Very. Very real." He doesn't mind the clinging at all. Phoenix is just glad it's him who's being clung to. "You can count on it. Grumpy-pants."

"Grumpy-pants? I'm not grumpy pants, where did you get that ridiculous idea?" He pushes himself up on an elbow and looks at him, his hair falling all over his eyes.

Phoenix adores his lover exactly like this. In bed, warm, that dark floppy hair... and the added indignation all make for an adorable - and rather irresistible visage. He reaches forward, kissing Alec softly on the lips, warm, open-mouthed, loving.

"Maybe a little TLC will compensate for my cruel remarks?"

Alec kisses back, but is clearly not in the mood. The talk about Lorac soured it.

He feels a slight stab of pain.. not because of Alec, but because he suddenly feels he's being selfish.

"I'm sorry." He whispers, laying back on the pillows again and drawing Alec closer, stroking his hair. "Love you."

He readily accepts the cuddles, nuzzling under his chin.

"It's okay. Not your fault."

Phoenix's arms are wrapped around Alec protectively... well, he's as protective as he can get.

"If my elders can help.. they'd do what they can?" He offers tentatively. Yes. This will worry him.

Dreaming of To come and Gone

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