element_wizard | Dreaming of To come and Gone

Current Mood: sleeping
Current Location: Beach Hut with Phoenix

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Dreaming of To come and Gone

The surussing of the waves always drifted Alec to sleep quickly. That, plus Phoenix made it even easier to sleep. While getting to sleep was easy, in the floppy comfiness of the bed, dreams were another matter. His mind let loose to drift among thoughts and realities of his different selves meandered through memories as well.

Babylon Five as an ambassador, or a telepath, or a visitor, or a fey bent on conquering the known galaxy, showing up the Volrons and the Shadows. He liked doing that. "Not the only one..." He mumbled as the dreams, that self drifted away.

"But of course not, that's why ..." his voice took on a Cajun accent as he found himself an alternate who was Gambit's son. That soothed out, his accent returning to the normal kind of almost alien Gaelic lilt.

Into his past, or perhaps his future, he dreamed "Mm... Kratz? Lorac? You're...but... but...I don't understand!" This one lingered, capturing him, keeping him like rat in a cage. "No... I can't hurt... please don't hurt her! Him... I lov... no..." He gook a deep sobbing breath. "No.. Lorac... please."

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Phoenix tends not to talk in his sleep, unless he's having a nightmare... and having had more than his usual share of those lately, when Alec's voice wakes him; his initial reaction is to reach across, taking his lover in his arms and gently trying to wake him.

"Shh.. Alec.. hey, it's all right.. wake up. Alec?"

Unfortunately Phoenix does have a tendency to shapeshift in his sleep, so Alec might find himself wrapped in feathered wings as well as arms - before the angel realises what form he's in.

"And that's not... " He blinks awake slowly, a fuzzy look in his eyes of someone still not quite up, "Lorac..." He frowns. "No.. Phoenix..." There's a bit of an embarrassed smile on his face. Calling current lovers previous lovers names isn't really that great.

He snuggles though into the angel's arms and wings, not at all minding them.

He wouldn't mind too much even if he did realise this person was a previous lover. Phoenix doesn't hold much of anything against anyone. Especially Alec. But it sounds more like the name belongs to someone Alec's afraid of.

"Yes, Phoenix." There's a smile in his voice. "No monsters, in any guise... just you, me and the sea." He strokes Alec's hair, squeezing him gently.

"What was all that about?"

He still finds it rude not to remember who he's sleeping with.

"And sea turtles. Can't forget the sea turtles." Alec sighs. "Which part?"

He's stalling.

"And all that plankton." Phoenix settles more comfortably, nuzzling at Alec a little.

"The crying out bit, the obvious distress.. that bit, and the bit about this Lorac person. Probably." His voice is gentle in the moonlit room. "Are you alright?"

"And the little fishies."

"Oh. Lorac." That is said rather flatly and dull. "Him."

There's a slight giggle. He's inordinately fond of little fishies. But Alec's tone wipes the smile from his face.

"Who is he?" It occurs to Phoenix that whilst they have no secrets from each other as such, he does respect any wish Alec might have to keep anything private. "Did he hurt you?" His voice is lower. He's been hurt by lovers in the past, who hasn't. Is he being too nosey?

Edited 2009-08-20 17:34 (UTC)

"He's..." his voice trails off as he tries to think of how exactly to explain Lorac. "He's... Lorac. It's confusing. He cares about me, but he's batshit."

Wait. He's heard that name.

He's heard it.. way back, when he met Alec as a little boy. The child was so worried about his ability to be more than a fire-wizard.

...Mama says that it's dangerous to control all four because then people will think that I'm gonna be like Lorac...who killed lots and lots of people...

"He can control all four elements." Phoenix says quietly. "You were worried you'd grow up crazy."

Ah, yes, the wizard boogy-man. His brother told great stories about him in the attics on stormy nights.

"Lorac the Destroyer, yeah, that's him. Though he's not the ...well, in his time he wasn't the only one who could control all four elements, he's just the one who went batshit and killed them all." He's silent for a moment. "My fault."

One can practically hear Phoenix blinking in the darkness. "Your fault?"

That's one thing he can't.. well, people make phenomenal mistakes that lead to.. but it's seldom their fault. Just look at the Doctor, there's a prime example.

"We fell in love ... or something, I'm not sure what it is, and I left. Snapped his mind." He sighs. "We've formed some sort of empathic bond."

"It sounds like one of the types of bonds we make.." There's a few kinds on his world. It happens when the majority of the population have some kind of telepathic or 'magical' ability.

He's lying on one of his wings now and crushing it. Phoenix shits back into his normal shape. "You may have been part of the process, but that doesn't make it your fault." He continues, still holding Alec, stroking smooth skin. "What happened to him? After everything I mean"

"It happened by accident, the bond, I got sick and my empathy wasn't controlled." He's silent, feeling Phoenix's fingers. They're a lot softer than his calloused ones.

"He went mad, made a deal with the fey, killed all the element wizards of his time except one, apparently ended up with the ability to use witch magic, waited around a thousand years before becoming my godfather." Alec is curious as to what his response will be to that one. Especially because he knows of his younger self's adoration of his godfather.

On his part, Phoenix feels so lucky about his own extended 'family'.. that it almost makes him feel guilty. The only one he ever had reason to fear was his father, and he's dead. Even his brother, the Dark God, Drakus has shown him nothing but patience and kindness. His fingers wander along Alec's skin until he comes to an old scar, he reaches forward and kisses the damaged flesh delicately.

"That must have made it so much worse." Phoenix has led a privileged life. He can't help that. "I don't understand.. were you lovers before or after he went mad? I mean while he was your godfather - or did he travel back in time to kill the wizards?"

On the whole, Alec's family - which is rather large - is a good and kind place. He's well loved and taken care of. When he lived with his grandparents who traveled in what could be considered a gypsy nomadic lifestyle he'd enjoyed himself immensely.

"I was sent back in time, to his time. For training. The fey did it. There wasn't anyone in my time who could properly teach me how to use all four elements as one." He gives a sigh. "We met then, before he went mad. Only when I returned to my time did he reveal himself as Lorac."

"But what happened to him?" Phoenix finds it hard to let go of a question. "I mean.. you sounded so scared. He can't harm you can he? Is he still.."

He trails off a little, unsure of Alec's feelings toward the man, but respectful of them and by no means wishing to drag up any painful memories. "Is he still alive?"

"I don't know what happened to him. He's still around." It just hasn't been written yet. "He can just... I have no control when he's there. I don't know if I love him because I love him or because ... I reflect his emotions through the bond."

There's a long pause from Phoenix as he mulls things over. "It's said our covenant - it's sort of like the bible - writes itself as time passes." He can understand Alec very well. Some odd things have come through the rifts on his world, from different existences. In one universe, a man might be a king or a demon... in another he may be a shadow of someone's dream, and never be noticed again.

He's glad Alec's noticed and snuggles in, nuzzling his hair. "Whether you're sure or not, you know you're free to love whom you will, don't you?" Unless they're dangerous to Alec? Well, it goes without saying... it's a frightening prospect to the angel. And Alec knows Phoenix well enough now to understand what he means. He just feels it's time that it needs to be said.

"I know I'm free to love who I will... but I don't know if I will to love him." That may or may not make sense. "And it scares me how intense it is when he's around. Like I want to touch him, be near him, never be away from him. It aches when he's gone..."

He bites his lip. "It doesn't hurt now, I haven't seen him in a long while. But I would do anything for him and I don't know if it's because I want to or because he wants me to want to."

It's that lack of knowing, the lack of control that scares Alec the most. How is he supposed to know who he is, if he doesn't know if what he feels is real or not?

It does make sense. In Phoenix's culture, Lorac would be the pack Alpha from hell... by the sound of it. It sounds a little, but not exactly like the Immortal Seal. A now-illegal bond that Drakus and Corvo still have, that can't be broken. He understands well the not-knowing must be the very worst part of it. All he can do is hold Alec.. and maybe worry.

"Does it hurt now? When you've been away for a long while?" Phoenix sighs, and lays back on the pillows. "I'm sorry, the last thing you need is a barrage of questions. I just want to understand."

The pack Alpha from hell probably describes it exactly. Their bond got stretched and it snapped Lorac's mind, who knows what breaking it would do.

"I don't mind questions." Holding is very good as Alec snuggles into him tightly. "It's... like a really tiny dull ache that I can ignore. It's been so long since I've seen him."

Phoenix tangles his legs into Alec's as he cuddles in closer. Envy or jealousy aren't a part of his psychological make-up. If Alec were talking about a lover he missed, and still loved.. it wouldn't matter, Phoenix would even be willing to help them speak.

It's purely the fact that it might be a false emotion, and that Alec can't tell, and that Lorac sounds dangerous and quite capable of harming Alec.

"I'm glad I know I love you." He whispers. "I'm glad it's real."

If only Lorac was that simple. It would make everything so much easier. Alec does miss Lorac, but he doesn't know why he does.

"Damn straight it better be real." It's growled softly, with a bit of clinging.

"Very. Very real." He doesn't mind the clinging at all. Phoenix is just glad it's him who's being clung to. "You can count on it. Grumpy-pants."

"Grumpy-pants? I'm not grumpy pants, where did you get that ridiculous idea?" He pushes himself up on an elbow and looks at him, his hair falling all over his eyes.

Phoenix adores his lover exactly like this. In bed, warm, that dark floppy hair... and the added indignation all make for an adorable - and rather irresistible visage. He reaches forward, kissing Alec softly on the lips, warm, open-mouthed, loving.

"Maybe a little TLC will compensate for my cruel remarks?"

Alec kisses back, but is clearly not in the mood. The talk about Lorac soured it.

He feels a slight stab of pain.. not because of Alec, but because he suddenly feels he's being selfish.

"I'm sorry." He whispers, laying back on the pillows again and drawing Alec closer, stroking his hair. "Love you."

He readily accepts the cuddles, nuzzling under his chin.

"It's okay. Not your fault."

Phoenix's arms are wrapped around Alec protectively... well, he's as protective as he can get.

"If my elders can help.. they'd do what they can?" He offers tentatively. Yes. This will worry him.

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