Alec Troven (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
element_wizard) wrote2004-04-28 10:37 am
element_wizard) wrote2004-04-28 10:37 am
A long ramble
Kit's really a bastard. He is. Really. Very much so.
Sometimes I hate being me. The sheer randomness of it. The utterfickleness and ADHDness of it. I have the attention span of a gnat sometimes. And I'm as impulsive as well... I don't know... Impulse.
In anycase the sheer fickleness and randomness of myself led me to getting screwed by Kit last night. It wasn't bad. Wasn't Lorac. But it wasn't bad.
But there I was sitting naked on his lap, with a hard on and he asks me if I want this.
Now let's look at several things. First of all, as stated above, I'm very fickle. If I don't want something I don't get it. If I want it, go a head and get it. There's very little to that. Second of all he had been... lusting after me for about a week or so now and I hadn't shown any interest. I hadn't even flirted with him.
Then I was sitting on his lap. Naked. With said erection.
If I didn't bloody well want that I wouldn't have been in the postition for him to ask me if I did or not.
It's as simple as that.
He didn't need to ask.
I know, I know, he was being Kit and there was probably some dominace issues going on there. He wanted to make me ask for it to enjoy it more, yadda yadda, yadda. It just peeved me.
I'm the sort of person that if I want something I want it and don't get myself into those sorts of positions where there's anysort of asking needed.
Lorac never needed to ask.
Then again we Lorac and I were going at it there was very little room for speech.
Lorac actually thought I was a virgin the first time we went at it. He knew I hadn't been in a serious relationship for nine years with a guy. Of course that's because I had been married for nine years at the time and hadn't been fooling around.
I had a serious relationship with a guy before Lorac. Sort of.
...
Actually I'm not really quite sure what you could call what Jono and I had. It definately wasn't a relationship.
It was abusive, whatever it was.
I ended up killing him.
First time I ever killed someone.
It wasn't pleasent. He was a telepath and in my head when he died. He had been using his telepathic abilities to get me to do what he wanted.
I'd say no... and then the next thing I'd remember was waking up next to him.
After... that... No one touched me unless I wanted them to.
Even Lorac. Empathic bond aside, I wanted him. I needed him. So I let him. It got kinda freaky once he went crazy, but the need was still there. I still wanted it.
And all of this aside is one long way of saying that Kit peeved me by asking if I wanted it.
In other news Teena's egg hatched into a gold. Will have to keep Trey away from her or else he'll be going agaga over her.
I still owe her.
And Lorac is back. Sort of. He's not crazy anymore. He's exactly as he was right before I left him and drove him crazy. He's missing about a thousand years worth of memories.
When I came back to the Response center last night for a quick shower he was there. He got upset at me and started lecturing me about how I was cheating on him.
I still haven't told him about Verra. Not really sure how to bring it up.
He had this look in his eyes when he was talking to me last night rather similar to when he wasn't all there. Not to sure what telling him about Verra will do to him. He's confused enough as it is.
You know what? I've decided that my life really sucks.
Sometimes I hate being me. The sheer randomness of it. The utterfickleness and ADHDness of it. I have the attention span of a gnat sometimes. And I'm as impulsive as well... I don't know... Impulse.
In anycase the sheer fickleness and randomness of myself led me to getting screwed by Kit last night. It wasn't bad. Wasn't Lorac. But it wasn't bad.
But there I was sitting naked on his lap, with a hard on and he asks me if I want this.
Now let's look at several things. First of all, as stated above, I'm very fickle. If I don't want something I don't get it. If I want it, go a head and get it. There's very little to that. Second of all he had been... lusting after me for about a week or so now and I hadn't shown any interest. I hadn't even flirted with him.
Then I was sitting on his lap. Naked. With said erection.
If I didn't bloody well want that I wouldn't have been in the postition for him to ask me if I did or not.
It's as simple as that.
He didn't need to ask.
I know, I know, he was being Kit and there was probably some dominace issues going on there. He wanted to make me ask for it to enjoy it more, yadda yadda, yadda. It just peeved me.
I'm the sort of person that if I want something I want it and don't get myself into those sorts of positions where there's anysort of asking needed.
Lorac never needed to ask.
Then again we Lorac and I were going at it there was very little room for speech.
Lorac actually thought I was a virgin the first time we went at it. He knew I hadn't been in a serious relationship for nine years with a guy. Of course that's because I had been married for nine years at the time and hadn't been fooling around.
I had a serious relationship with a guy before Lorac. Sort of.
...
Actually I'm not really quite sure what you could call what Jono and I had. It definately wasn't a relationship.
It was abusive, whatever it was.
I ended up killing him.
First time I ever killed someone.
It wasn't pleasent. He was a telepath and in my head when he died. He had been using his telepathic abilities to get me to do what he wanted.
I'd say no... and then the next thing I'd remember was waking up next to him.
After... that... No one touched me unless I wanted them to.
Even Lorac. Empathic bond aside, I wanted him. I needed him. So I let him. It got kinda freaky once he went crazy, but the need was still there. I still wanted it.
And all of this aside is one long way of saying that Kit peeved me by asking if I wanted it.
In other news Teena's egg hatched into a gold. Will have to keep Trey away from her or else he'll be going agaga over her.
I still owe her.
And Lorac is back. Sort of. He's not crazy anymore. He's exactly as he was right before I left him and drove him crazy. He's missing about a thousand years worth of memories.
When I came back to the Response center last night for a quick shower he was there. He got upset at me and started lecturing me about how I was cheating on him.
I still haven't told him about Verra. Not really sure how to bring it up.
He had this look in his eyes when he was talking to me last night rather similar to when he wasn't all there. Not to sure what telling him about Verra will do to him. He's confused enough as it is.
You know what? I've decided that my life really sucks.
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Hey, I thought I'd never do Kit.
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... bit of mouthful.
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Basically everyone, then.
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Though if he ever gets near Verra I will personally skin him and turn him into a fur coat.
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Verra doesn't care if I do guys. It's a dragonic thing. She can't understand why I like them, but as she says, "It's a pointless relationship as no children can result." Since there are no possible children, it's not cheating. According to Dragonic Logic.
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Anyways, I'm glad Lorac isn't full-blown psycho anymore.
Although this probably means I can't point swords at him anymore...
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Pleasesayyespleasesayyes...
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Sounds good.
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Rumor: *nods* I'm a virgin.
Kit H.: What, is it like a renewable license now? *Rumor glares*
Hawkelf: Shuttup, you two! Ignore them. Except the first comment, that is.