Alec Troven (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
element_wizard) wrote2016-01-15 10:36 am
element_wizard) wrote2016-01-15 10:36 am
Entry tags:
Tying up some knots.
Crossing his legs, Alec sat down on his large (but no where near as big as Vahl's) fluffy bed. The apartment was empty; Phoenix had gone off to do Father-Daughter stuff with Lynn and Vahl still wasn't home yet. It still felt weird calling this place home, but it did feel like it and it felt like it much quicker than he thought it would happen. But anywhere Phoenix was always felt like home.
Still, he was glad his B*... that he had the place to himself for a while. He'd be able to work uninterrupted. The battle might be over but there was still clean-up to be done. Some of the clean-up only he could do.
Closing his eyes, he let his mind drift away into what he called the spaces between realities. Had anyone come in to see him right then, they'd find him statue still barely breathing. Had anyone tried to feel for his mind they'd find absolutely nothing, just an empty shell. It was one of the reasons why he was glad Vahl was out of the house. He was fairly certain that his...A* ... that Vahl would notice him missing. A god of the mind, even if he's not actively reading the thoughts of people around him would notice when one vanished. He didn't want the god to come looking for him and find him 'gone'.
This him he'd designated as primary and so if he left this body there wasn't another 'him' to take his place. It was his body, the one he called his, the one he'd take if he left. In this case he was only mentally leaving because he couldn't take his body in between.
He never knew how to describe it properly, this in between place. Darkness, complete and utter darkness with strands upon strands upon strands of glowing strings in all different colors, bunched together and spinning free. Some bunches were as thick as redwoods others were just a single faint strand. Everyone a reality or set of closely entwined realities for the bundles.
Right then he needed to clean up the ones dealing with Solus. He had to make sure that he really was gone from this "set" of worlds. Solus could never permanently be gone; the multiverse didn't work like that, but Alec could make sure he'd never bother this set of worlds again. It just required separating things out. Even then, these set of worlds didn't always have happy endings.
... Vahl dying, Richard not making it in time/Rory not cracking the armor well enough to make the weak spot/Theo's control of Solus not strong enough... Phoenix throwing himself at his 'father' as Vahl dies burning in hate... Solus dying but Vahl not being able to come to grips with the darkness inside of him/back sliding... Phoenix/Richard/Rory/ Janie/ Mia/ Theo/ so many others dying but everyone else surviving…. Everyone dying… Alec left standing alone on the battle field, the only survivor…
He shivered at that world, but kept it in, twisting it with the others.
The Clutching Grove gaining a hold on Solus and devouring everyone else… Vahl killing Solus and taking his place… Theo taking complete control over Solus and losing what little balance towards the good he had…
The worlds where Solus won were much more varied because there were so many more points where things could have gone wrong.
Alec not being there… Alec deciding to help him on the price of keeping Phoenix safe… Versha keeping her hold on Vahl, twisting him so that she didn’t need to be in him all the time… Vahl breaking Alec’s mind when Alec and Phoenix went hunting to rescue him, Phoenix not able to get there in time/ killed by the hellhound /getting bitten by the hellhound and not able to clean the wound in time. The three of them together in that small subset watching the world burn under Solus… helping him… a strange distorted reflection of this pack… what his pack* might become… he’d been broken before and he knew he’d do anything for the person who broke him… (but that was the point of breaking someone wasn’t it? Never mind the fact that it felt good for just the brief moment he touched that world.)
Another pause. Another breath.
Rory never coming over so his Luck doesn’t tilt things in their favor. Janie not getting better in time. Janie burning out and dying… The soul stones not working… the soul stones not being used… him switching sides at the last minute having strung Phoenix along the entire time… Vahl, still under Versha’s control, having gotten to Rory and making him switch sides, pushing his luck in their favor… the talisman failing… Alec stuck as a human, brought to Solus who breaks him… has him kill Phoenix…
Another breath. Deep. Hard.
Don’t get invested. They didn’t happen here. They won’t happen here.
He grabbed at the strings faster now, pulling them away and twisting them up in bundles. They couldn’t be destroyed, as much as he wished to. So, he just pruned them, grafted them onto other trees away from this one. Bundle up the good endings… at least the ones where Solus died, even if they weren’t happy ones so that way the demon god couldn’t come and find Phoenix again.
Couldn’t hurt his loved ones; old ones and… the thought came and he pushed it away.
Finally he came to what he always thought of as the dream realities. The ones where things were what people hoped they would be in a way – the realities where Solus never was evil, he was a … decent father… he cared for Phoenix at least… and Versha never did horrible things to Vahl and they never went through a Hell War and it was all … nice… not necessarily good but their family was together and not fractured. They dealt with other problems (including their own evil Solus invading from another realm) but their family was whole. In some of those Realities, Alec existed for them… in others he didn’t…
His hands hovered over those strands; a small bundle but bright and strong nonetheless and he licked his lips. These were the sorts of places Alec couldn’t ever tell anyone about. It’d hurt him too much, it’d hurt the others too much. They might want to see it. Might want to know more about it. Oh, sure they knew it had to exist but it was one thing to have it as an abstraction and another as knowing you could go there and see it. And then leave it gnawing at you. This he knew from experience having touched a few of those for his own past. He’d lie away at night sometimes wondering but never actually really looking into them, not letting himself.
Carefully, as if wrapping up the most delicate and fragile vase, he bundled those up into the core of the “good ending” realities so they’d be protected from everything else. They’d be the last ones to get hit if something went bad.
The final strand came to him and he rolled it around between his fingers. It was a thin and an easy fix: Vahl not getting arrested. It would just take a tiny twist to make it so that reality was this one… that Phoenix wouldn’t have to go through the pain and doubt he was going through now. But… he needed it. As much as Alec hated to admit it, Phoenix needed it. He let the string go and pushed it in with the others.
That done, he very carefully came out of the trance he’d slipped into, letting his senses read out the world around him. How much time had past, had anyone gotten home yet? Just an hour, he realized as he opened his eyes. Reality seemed funny to him having been elsewhere for so long.
Not too long. Long enough for his body to feel all stiff, however. Stretching out he half fell off his bed, trying to work out the stiffness. At least that was done. It was no where near a perfect job – he’d be the first to admit it, it couldn’t ever be a perfect job – but he’d done the best he could and that’s all that mattered.
1.*His mind stumbled over the word Beta tasting it, fearful to use it, wanting it and not wanting it. Too much meaning behind it. Too much hope and dreams and fears.
*Again a stumble. A craving, a wanting... a fear to admit it...
*It took him a moment to realize that he’d unconsciously called the three of them, ‘his pack’ and his stomach flopped and fluttered nervously at the thought.
Still, he was glad his B*... that he had the place to himself for a while. He'd be able to work uninterrupted. The battle might be over but there was still clean-up to be done. Some of the clean-up only he could do.
Closing his eyes, he let his mind drift away into what he called the spaces between realities. Had anyone come in to see him right then, they'd find him statue still barely breathing. Had anyone tried to feel for his mind they'd find absolutely nothing, just an empty shell. It was one of the reasons why he was glad Vahl was out of the house. He was fairly certain that his...A* ... that Vahl would notice him missing. A god of the mind, even if he's not actively reading the thoughts of people around him would notice when one vanished. He didn't want the god to come looking for him and find him 'gone'.
This him he'd designated as primary and so if he left this body there wasn't another 'him' to take his place. It was his body, the one he called his, the one he'd take if he left. In this case he was only mentally leaving because he couldn't take his body in between.
He never knew how to describe it properly, this in between place. Darkness, complete and utter darkness with strands upon strands upon strands of glowing strings in all different colors, bunched together and spinning free. Some bunches were as thick as redwoods others were just a single faint strand. Everyone a reality or set of closely entwined realities for the bundles.
Right then he needed to clean up the ones dealing with Solus. He had to make sure that he really was gone from this "set" of worlds. Solus could never permanently be gone; the multiverse didn't work like that, but Alec could make sure he'd never bother this set of worlds again. It just required separating things out. Even then, these set of worlds didn't always have happy endings.
... Vahl dying, Richard not making it in time/Rory not cracking the armor well enough to make the weak spot/Theo's control of Solus not strong enough... Phoenix throwing himself at his 'father' as Vahl dies burning in hate... Solus dying but Vahl not being able to come to grips with the darkness inside of him/back sliding... Phoenix/Richard/Rory/ Janie/ Mia/ Theo/ so many others dying but everyone else surviving…. Everyone dying… Alec left standing alone on the battle field, the only survivor…
He shivered at that world, but kept it in, twisting it with the others.
The Clutching Grove gaining a hold on Solus and devouring everyone else… Vahl killing Solus and taking his place… Theo taking complete control over Solus and losing what little balance towards the good he had…
The worlds where Solus won were much more varied because there were so many more points where things could have gone wrong.
Alec not being there… Alec deciding to help him on the price of keeping Phoenix safe… Versha keeping her hold on Vahl, twisting him so that she didn’t need to be in him all the time… Vahl breaking Alec’s mind when Alec and Phoenix went hunting to rescue him, Phoenix not able to get there in time/ killed by the hellhound /getting bitten by the hellhound and not able to clean the wound in time. The three of them together in that small subset watching the world burn under Solus… helping him… a strange distorted reflection of this pack… what his pack* might become… he’d been broken before and he knew he’d do anything for the person who broke him… (but that was the point of breaking someone wasn’t it? Never mind the fact that it felt good for just the brief moment he touched that world.)
Another pause. Another breath.
Rory never coming over so his Luck doesn’t tilt things in their favor. Janie not getting better in time. Janie burning out and dying… The soul stones not working… the soul stones not being used… him switching sides at the last minute having strung Phoenix along the entire time… Vahl, still under Versha’s control, having gotten to Rory and making him switch sides, pushing his luck in their favor… the talisman failing… Alec stuck as a human, brought to Solus who breaks him… has him kill Phoenix…
Another breath. Deep. Hard.
Don’t get invested. They didn’t happen here. They won’t happen here.
He grabbed at the strings faster now, pulling them away and twisting them up in bundles. They couldn’t be destroyed, as much as he wished to. So, he just pruned them, grafted them onto other trees away from this one. Bundle up the good endings… at least the ones where Solus died, even if they weren’t happy ones so that way the demon god couldn’t come and find Phoenix again.
Couldn’t hurt his loved ones; old ones and… the thought came and he pushed it away.
Finally he came to what he always thought of as the dream realities. The ones where things were what people hoped they would be in a way – the realities where Solus never was evil, he was a … decent father… he cared for Phoenix at least… and Versha never did horrible things to Vahl and they never went through a Hell War and it was all … nice… not necessarily good but their family was together and not fractured. They dealt with other problems (including their own evil Solus invading from another realm) but their family was whole. In some of those Realities, Alec existed for them… in others he didn’t…
His hands hovered over those strands; a small bundle but bright and strong nonetheless and he licked his lips. These were the sorts of places Alec couldn’t ever tell anyone about. It’d hurt him too much, it’d hurt the others too much. They might want to see it. Might want to know more about it. Oh, sure they knew it had to exist but it was one thing to have it as an abstraction and another as knowing you could go there and see it. And then leave it gnawing at you. This he knew from experience having touched a few of those for his own past. He’d lie away at night sometimes wondering but never actually really looking into them, not letting himself.
Carefully, as if wrapping up the most delicate and fragile vase, he bundled those up into the core of the “good ending” realities so they’d be protected from everything else. They’d be the last ones to get hit if something went bad.
The final strand came to him and he rolled it around between his fingers. It was a thin and an easy fix: Vahl not getting arrested. It would just take a tiny twist to make it so that reality was this one… that Phoenix wouldn’t have to go through the pain and doubt he was going through now. But… he needed it. As much as Alec hated to admit it, Phoenix needed it. He let the string go and pushed it in with the others.
That done, he very carefully came out of the trance he’d slipped into, letting his senses read out the world around him. How much time had past, had anyone gotten home yet? Just an hour, he realized as he opened his eyes. Reality seemed funny to him having been elsewhere for so long.
Not too long. Long enough for his body to feel all stiff, however. Stretching out he half fell off his bed, trying to work out the stiffness. At least that was done. It was no where near a perfect job – he’d be the first to admit it, it couldn’t ever be a perfect job – but he’d done the best he could and that’s all that mattered.
1.*His mind stumbled over the word Beta tasting it, fearful to use it, wanting it and not wanting it. Too much meaning behind it. Too much hope and dreams and fears.
*Again a stumble. A craving, a wanting... a fear to admit it...
*It took him a moment to realize that he’d unconsciously called the three of them, ‘his pack’ and his stomach flopped and fluttered nervously at the thought.