"That works for me," he shrugs. "I usually leave all the warding shit to the Chieftains. They know what they're doing."

"Hey, always wondered, if you're an OC, does everything written about you count as canon? So fanfic doesn't really exist for guys like me?" Phoenix kind of likes being Outside of Everything. It's eye-opening, and he hasn't been tortured for a good few centuries now.

Now there's a euphemism if ever Phoenix heard one.

"Don't think I have?" he says, curiously. "I'm sure I'd have remembered."