What Alec Actually Does All Day

[element_wizard]

Title: Unexpected Impressions, a Protectors of the Plot Continuum Mission.
Fandom: Um... PPC and Dragon Riders of Pern
Rating: PG for nasty Sueness.
Summary:  Alec and Marc-C go to Pern, kill a Sue and will likely get into trouble with the Flowers later.



Marc-C came into the Department of Improbabilities in room 3b (the continuing whereabouts of rooms 3a and 3c were still unknown, though rumor had it that 3a may be located next to the dungeons) to discover her partner, Alec, playing a game of Solitaire with a deck of Tarot cards. The large woman, with short blonde hair and far too many guns stared at the slighter fey looking man until he looked up and gave her a bit of a smile.

 >

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Solitaire," Alec said, brushing some of his unruly black hair out of his eyes.

"With Tarot cards?"

"Well, Trey ate my deck of cards." And he gestured to the brown fire-lizard snoozing on the computer. Marc-C glanced at the fire-lizard and decided she really didn't want to know. Really. Instead she sat down and pulled out White Noise  by Don DeLillo to read. Alec looked at the book and wrinkled his nose. "How can you read that?"

"It's literary."

"It's incomprehensible," Alec returned, starting their age old argument. One that got cut short when the computer gave its squalling beep. Being the closest to the console Alec flicked the alarm off and pulled up the fan fic. His eyes scanned the story quickly. "Menolly rip of in DroP fic... " he said.

She sighed. Pern was not one of her favorite worlds to visit, though Alec absolutely loved it. He bounced , yes bounced, up from his chair and dug into the closet for his Harper's clothes. God only knew why he chose a Harper, but it had its uses. Most people respected Harpers which gave them an immunity and ability to go places others weren't able to. And always, much to her relief, he chose to be a Journeyman and not a Master, because there was no way Alec could pass as a Master. As Alec dressed, Marc-C removed her guns, carefully placing them in their locker and pulled out a some of nasty looking knives and a crossbow with bolts. She then locked the locker and tucked the key away.

Swinging his pack onto his back, Alec grinned at Marc-C as he opened up the portal, Trey alighting on his shoulder. The portal hummed to life and the two of them stepped through into the fic.

Naomi awoke to the sun shining in through her wide open window, and the spring

air filling her tiny room. Beautiful day, she thought. "I don't want to get up." She sighed, blinking at the bright sunlight in her eyes. "Oh well," she said, deciding that she didn't want to miss breakfast, because Abuna would not be happy with her, she got up.

"Weird formatting. Why would Abuna be upset with her if she missed breakfast? Is she a kitchen worker?" Alec asked.

Marc-C shrugged, merely putting down 'lack of internal logic' on the charge sheet.

 

Looking through her things for some clean clothes, she frowned at the lack of

them. She'd have to do some laundry. Finding a shirt and pair of breeches that

didn't smell, she hastily got dressed.

When she felt she was presentable, she made her way down to the hall to the

dining room, hoping she missed the irritable cotholder, known as Dunca. Unfortunately she was not late enough this morning, for as she was gulping down her cup of klah the snobbish woman came into the room, that smile wiped off her face as her eyes landed on Naomi in two-day old clothes.

"Copying Menolly's first appearance in Dunca's cothold, down to the lack of clean clothes," Alec continued, listing charges as they followed her. A fire-lizard swooped down past Dunca who screamed, "And the fire-lizard bit. Also if she's a Harper Apprentice she should be staying in the dorms and not at Dunca's, because ten years after All the Weyrs of Pern female Harpers are practically normal."

They continued to follow her, as she continued to copy Menolly. They learned that she had been at Harper Hall since she was six. "Awfully young that, isn't it?" Marc-C asked.

"Yes, awfully young. Oh now there's a sob story."  Two turns (or years) after she came to the Hall her family died in a rock slide. "Wrong use of local jargon."  They continued following her as her BFF Aramil and her talked.

“Naomi!” she stopped and turned to face him, annoyed. “Didn’t you hear me?” when she shook her head exasperatedly, he continued, rolling his eyes as he did so. “You’re walking the tables tonight!” Naomi was stunned for a moment, unable to comprehend what he had said.

"Oh... for the gods' sake. Really. This girl is a Menolly clone," Alec moaned as they watched her send the fire-lizards to get her fiddle. "Let's skip ahead."

"Good idea. I don't want to watch Domick be hard on her, the disliked student, because she's so talented."

"AGGH... In story Author's note! In story Author's Note!" Alec practically shrieked as he scanned a head for a good jumping point. Marc-C slugged him.

"Shh! Do you want to be seen?" she snapped. He quieted down immediately and took out the Portal device to skip ahead.

After lunch, as she was walking to her lesson with Shonagar, when she heard

footsteps behind her, and before she could react someone had grabbed her from

behind. The disturbing thing was that whoever it was, was groping her.

"Um... ew," Alec said. "I think we found our designated evil person."

The two of them watched as Tevril molested her and then as she fell down the stairs and passed out. The best part of the story so far. Tevril was from Bitran, so of course he was evil.

 

They hit a chapter change and found themselves in the Master Harper's quarters as Aramil talked to Menolly about the missing Sue.

“Did Naomi have any enemies? Was she teased at all?” Menolly asked, worry colored her eyes.

Marc-C tilted her head a little as she looked at worry coloring. The word had a crayon in its 'y' and made little circles.

 

Alec said, "Not going to their journeyman leader for such a problem. Really. A missing apprentice isn't something to inform a Master Harper, especially one of Menolly's rank about. At least not right away."

 

Taking her eyes off of worry, Marc-C noted it. "Can we skip the rape and her calling down all the Hall's fire-lizards to protect her? Which she should have done before she got raped."

 

"Yes, but that would have been intelligent," Alec said. "Oh... broken leg, she wants to go to a hatching... this is like K'van. Geeze, she's stealing from all over the place."

 

"Oh that's hilarious!" Marc-C said as they watched the story unfold. "Menolly and Aramil were so worried about Naomi's disappearance at the beginning of the chapter and now Menolly's writing a happy song and Aramil is just chatting with his friends. They've completely forgotten about her."

 

"I think that maybe the Su'thor made a plot change halfway through," Alec mused. "Can we put down that?"

 

Marc-C nodded and put that down. She also put down, "lower tunnels that on one lived in anymore"  because  'on one'  couldn't  live anywhere and it just didn't make any sense. "She's supposedly had a beta..."

 

"Really? Could have fooled me."

 

"Silent tears, there's another one. I never knew they could be noisy."

 

"Better than a single crystalline tear that shattered when it hit the ground."

 

Marc-C glanced away from the "tragic" scene of Naomi getting rescued and asked, "What have you been reading?"

 

"Fifth Sorceress by Robert Newcomb."

 

"Any good?"

 

"Worse than  Eargon and Eldest combined."

 

She blinked, never having thought that was possible.

 

Just then a blue dragon rider walked in, confusion clear on his face. “Who is in charge here?” he asked, looking around.

“Master Oldive is in that room.” Aramil pointed to the door that separated him and his best friend.

“Thank you.” He tipped his riding cap at him in thanks, strode to the door, and knocked. His knock was not immediately answered, there was a fair bit of grumbling that could be heard.Master Oldive opened the door, and the look of frustration wiped off of his face.

"The Master Harper is in charge here. Why did he come to the Healer's office instead of the Master Harper?" Alec said.

"It's more dramatic this way."

"Bah."

 

“What’s going on?” Oldive said loudly, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

The CAD suddenly went off. It had been quiet mostly. Marc-C snagged it from Alec's pack and looked at it. "Oh, good one. Oldive wouldn't look at a dragonrider with suspicion. No one really would."

"Ah, but it's more dramatic," Alec said with a cheeky grin, dodging the swipe shot at him.

 

“it’s a strange thing…”the rider began to whisper, and Master Oldive’s eyes widened in shock, and he then began to scratch his chin. “I wasn’t on search either, I just flew overhead not more than ten minutes ago, and Taylith insisted that we land, he kept going about candidates, and such. He was going so fast that I didn’t catch most of it. But the gist is that whichever girl summoned the fire lizards, and the boy that was by her side are now candidates.” Aramil, who was listening in, couldn’t believe what he was hearing, they were candidates now?

"Lack of capitalization. Utterly preposterous knowledge of who the potential candidates are. And an over eager Search dragon," Alec said as Marc-C continued to check it off.  They watched as the Master Healer went and talked to Aramil and then,

 

“What about the girl, who is she?” The blue rider inquired, hoping that they wouldn’t have to search the whole hold. Aramil pointed to the door that Oldive had retreated into. “She here for a check up?” but he quickly lost his cheery demeanor when he read the despair written all over Aramil. Menolly looked up at the dragon rider, and walked over t him.

"Again. Why would he come to the Master HEALER if he didn't know where the girl was?" Alec snipped.

"Alec! Watch the capslock!"

Alec looked ashamed for a moment. "Right. Sorry. That's the third instance of logical fallacy, isn't it?"

"Yes, I believe so." And she ticked it off on the charge list.

The two of them decided to skip over the small scene where the Sue angsted to her friend and go directly to the end of the trial. 

The appointed lawyer sat next to the silent, and sneering Tevril. he seemed be expecting an aquittal.

“Your closing statement counselor.” The prosecuting attorney stood. He was wearing a simple vest over a white shirt with brown trousers.

"It's like Law and Order," Alec commented softly.

Marc-C snorted. "Probably the closest she's ever gotten to knowing what happens in a courtroom. Why is he expecting an aquittal?" she asked as she marked down the spelling mistake.

"Because he's evil."

 

“We have eye-witness accounts, the testimony of the victim, who by the way, is still unable to get out of bed because of a concussion.” He held up a sketch of Naomi done while she was still unconscious. It showed the bruises, the black-eye. “What this sketch doesn’t show is the torment that this poor girl goes through. He broke her leg, abducted her, brutally raped her, and then tried to leave her for dead. If you don’t say guilty, you are letting a vicious predator walk in our society. It could be your daughter next, your wife, your sister.” He looked at each and every jury member as he said this, he sat down, indicating he was finished.

 

"There aren't Juries are there? Just the Lord presiding?" Marc-C asked.

"For this? I'm sure it'd be carried out within the confines of the Harper's Hall. The Halls are self sufficient. The Masterharper would preside, most certainly, but no outside parties would be involved. This is relatively a small matter. The only reason why the Weyrs and others got involved in Dragonseye was because of how ... massive the amount of bad shit that happened. I mean, the Lord Holder completely neglected his people and allowed his men to abuse them without check. Also, they don't have lawyers or Judges."

"So, the following has less use than Bantha Poo?"

 

“And you, mister Stevem?” the judge directed at the defense attorney.

“the Defense rests your honor.” He said. The jury deliberated for not even an hour.

“have you reached a verdict?” The Judge addressed the people of the jury.

“We have your honor.” Said a middle aged women, holding a piece of hide in front of her to read.

“How do you find?”

“On the charge of assault and battery, we of the jury find the defendant guilty. On the charge of abduction in the first degree, we of the jury find the defendant Guilty. On the charge of rape in the first degree, we of the jury find the defendant guilty.” Suddenly the smirk wiped off of Tevril’s face. He looked angry, and whispered to his lawyer.

"I hear bantha poo can be very useful. But yes."

 

“As per our laws, you are here by sentenced to be castrated, and exiled. The sentence is to be carried out immediately after the proceedings.

"AHh...ah... no. Exile is for murdering people. Though he might get left out for Threadfall since we're in a Pass."

"Uh-huh..."

"Come on, let's skip ahead."

"To the Hatching?"

"Yes, please. And you'll have to grab her before the Queen hatches,"  Alec said punching open a portal. "I don't want to kill the dragon."

Marc-C gave him a side along look. For him, Pernese dragons didn't count as Cute Animal Sidekicks. Actually, to most Pern fans the dragons didn't count as Cute Animal Sidekicks and they would take great lengths to avoid harming them. She also knew that Alec got 'funny' around dragons, Pernese or not. She just didn't see why.

Still, she stepped through the portal onto hot sands. They were in a large cavern filled with dragons and people. In front of her she could see youngsters dressed in white standing barefoot on the sand. She wondered how they could stand it, the heat felt unbearable. There were two sections of eggs. One filled with at least forty eggs and the other with a single solitary egg all by its lonesome. Protected by a golden dragon, a Queen, she remembered belatedly, the egg was larger than the others by half. The dragons hummed with this song that seemed to go deep into her, resonating in places she didn't even realize existed. Glancing to her left she saw Alec slipping through the candidates to grab the friend.

She turned to where a group of girls, including the Sue stood around the golden egg. Marc-C stalked behind her and started to grab, when the Hatching started as the song reached a high pitch.

. When she looked, one of the eggs had cracked, and out came a bronze dragonet, tumbling into the sand. Emitting piteous cries of hunger, it stumbled around to a tan boy, who looked as if he would faint at any second. Until it head-butted the boy, he was completely petrified, but then he slowly kneeled down, and looked into the dragonets eyes.

“His name is Zabeth!” he said in triumph. With that, it seemed as if the other dragonets took heart and began cracking their shells. A green, two bronzes, and a brown. When she looked over at Aramil, he seemed intent on one of the eggs, which had begun to rock violently. His look of intense concentration was almost comical.

Mac-C could see Alec nearing Aramil, it was hard to move between the candidates and the dragons, but all her attention was caught between the candidates and the dragons, watching the boys and girls faces as they lit up when a baby dragon reached up to them, as they called out the dragons' names.

 

When she heard a rustling in the sand behind her, she spun around, despite the complaints of her leg, to see that the queen egg had begun to rock. All of a sudden, the only things in the world were her and the egg, which had spider web cracks in it now. All noise was blocked out, even commotion of the other circle of candidates.

The Agent turned as well, suddenly remembering her job. She watched intently as the egg suddenly hatched and a golden dragon fell onto the sands.

The dragonet looked around her, emitting a cry that communicated her hunger and loneliness so well that Naomi just wanted to go to her and comfort her.

 

The dragonet suddenly ran at Naomi as fast as her wobbly legs could carry her. She’s going to fall and hurt herself running like that, Naomi thought worriedly. The dragonet began to stumble just a few feet from her. All the girls were diving to catch her, but Naomi was the closest.

Quickly, Marc-C grab the girl and tossed her away, Alec's words ringing in her head. She could kind of understand it now, seeing all the dragons and their riders, seeing the boys kneeling with the dragonets. She turned turned to make sure the tiny gold dragon had gone on to the other candidates, but found it staring at her.

"What are you doing? Shoo, go find someone," Marc-C ordered the dragonet.

I have. The dragonet replied in her mind.

She glanced over at the Sue. "Her? No, you don't want her. Go find someone else." She found herself looking at the shimmering gold hide, how it seemed to sparkle like a nugget under water, just waiting to be plucked up by a prospector and for a moment she felt sad that she had to leave the dragon.

And then the dragon sat on her foot and grabbed her pants leg. My name is Amaranth. And we must go.  Looking over at the female candidates she saw them fluctuating between not seeing the dragon and seeing it. The dragon was right. She scooped up the dragon in one arm and grabbed the Sue by her arm and dragged her off, figuring that Alec would come and find her. The Sue cried and held out her hands for the little dragon. The little dragon, Amaranth, studiously ignored her in favor of trying to find something interesting to eat in Marc-C's pack.

I'm very hungry. She said when Marc-C asked her why she seemed to be so intent on trying to eat the twinkie bar in her bag. Something Marc-C knew couldn't be good for her.

"Give me a moment..." She slammed the Sue into the cavern wall and dragged her into an unused room. Then she dropped the creature in an effort to get at her pack which held Amaranth.  Marc-C gently took the dragon out and rummaged around until she found something she thought wouldn't kill the little thing. God only knew why she was doing it (except that it felt right for some reason).

Alec wandered in about five minutes later dragging the boy with him. "Stupid idiot was trying to pull a Jaxom-Ruth hatching." He then froze, staring at the tiny gold. "Marc-C why do you have a gold sitting in your lap?"

She sighed. "I don't know. She said she didn't want to be left behind."

"She said she didn't want to be left behind? She SAID?  As in in your head said?" he asked, voice rising higher in pitch, filled with incredulity. 

"Yes."

"Fuck."

"What?"

Alec got a look on his face of extreme frustration. The sort that someone got when they were trying to explain something painfully obvious. "You Impressed her.  You can't leave her behind. It'd kill her."

The idea of that seemed utterly abhorrent, much to her surprise. "I wouldn't."

:"Of course not. Now we just have to explain to the Plants that we now have a gold dragon to deal with."

Amaranth nudged her gently. Hungry! she said, giving Alec a baleful look, as if he were the cause of all her problems.

"Shh..." Marc-C soothed, stroking the little dragonet gently. "We'll get you food soon enough. Just after we kill these two."

Taking out his sword, Alec looked over at her, "Charge list."

At this Naomi shook off the stupor of having her head bashed into a wall. "What? Wait! What are you doing with my dragon!" She lunged for the gold who hissed and snapped at her, biting her hand. The Sue jerked back, a confused look on her face.

Marc-C pulled out the charge list. "Naomi, you are charged with being a Mary Sue, for copying Menolly's story down to the details that couldn't be possible any more. After Menolly, you know, they allowed female apprentices in and they wouldn't have been separated into the cots. For having a Designated Evil Person, for using Rape as a plot device. For having the canon characters act like complete morons, for making yourself more important than everyone else, for three instances of logical fallacy. For having a non-Pernesse name. And because I don't like you, you are condemned to die."

Alec gave her a bright smile and then stabbed her with his sword, following that he killed her Cardboard Buddy.

Then he looked at Marc-C saying, "You know, we have a real problem now. It's bad enough I have a fire-lizard but a dragon. A  queen dragon is going to be trouble." Pausing for a moment, he asked, "Do you even know the Pern canon?"

"I know enough of it."

"Well you're going to know a whole lot more. Come on, pick up your little bit and we'll get her something to eat. Hopefully the Flowers won't make you get rid of her."

With steel as sharp as Wolverine's claws, Marc-C said, "If they do, I'll turn them into mulch."